It's been 4 months since I moved to London, some days it feels like just yesterday that I was packing and some days I feel scared at the thought of my time here coming to an end. That last one bothers me to my core, the thinking of the future, the not enjoying today, and now, this moment, and jumping ahead into my days. It's annoying and ridiculous.
I wanted to write down a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately about my move and about the things I've learned, and the things I'm grateful for.
Here I am being vulnerable on the internet again...
To start I want to say without sounding like a ball of cheese that the decision to move, to step out of my comfort zone has been the best decision I could've ever taken. To be honest it still blows my mind to say I live here, in London.
It's such a crazy thing to me, that despite my fears, and worries I had the guts (mostly I had/have the faith) to pack my things and move to a place full of unknowns, basically the only thing I knew was that I didn't know anything. ( I feel like that's something teachers say before a exam to warn you about asking questions about the exam, but it's true) looking back I feel like if I had known what I know now I probably would have second guess my move. I have felt scared at times, but not once have I ever regretted this, in fact I know (with every single one of my bones) that this place where I am standing is where I need to be today, and that thought is something that makes me completely full of joy.
I am where I need to be, I haven't been able to say that about every moment of my life, and today right now I feel so thankful to be here.
When people tell you moving away teaches you so much about who you are, and it makes you grow they aren't joking around. I can certainly say that I have grown more in these 4 months than I had in a while, I have gotten to know myself a little better, my limits, my weaknesses, and my strengths, and I know this is just the beginning.
This move has also brought a lot of growing pains, I have had days full of tears, and aches that have made me feel emotions I hadn't in a long time, I won't get very detailed because as vulnerable, and genuine I want to be some things are for me to keep, and for me to experience on my own. However I will say that the experiences I've gone through since being here on my own have brought me closer to my Saviour, and have made me rest on His beautiful promises.
I've never felt so at peace while being alone, because the truth is I have never felt more full of love, and watched over than these moments, even the painful ones. God has provided so much for me during this season.
I know writing/reading about faith is hard for a lot of people, is hard for me sometimes because "what if people think I'm not cool" however it's important for me to share this, so I ask that you read this without judging me or labeling me. I serve a beautiful God, and I am completely in awe with everything Jesus has done for me, He has answered so many of my prayers about this move, and has placed amazing people in my life. Everything I have is because of Him so the least I can do is tell you that His promises, His light these are the truest most beautiful forms of love I know.
It's hard for me to put into words how thankful I am for this opportunity, and for this season I am in but I hope it comes through on this post.
There are so many unknowns still, unknowns about my days here, and about my days in general. There are still so many prayers in my mind, but despite of it all I am writing this with a peace on my heart that overcomes everything else. I think this is grace.
-C
Monday, August 17, 2015
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
There is light...
Tuesday.
I got woken up by the beautiful sounds of trees hitting my window, a little bit of sunshine on my face and the loudest sounds brought by the wind, it was heavenly.
I didn't work today so it was a slow morning for me, I enjoyed some grapefruit and lemon water and made little botanical drawings - I'm not sure what it is but I've been fully enjoying these moments of solitude. It's almost like living in this busy, noisy city has brought the quietest in me.
I'm Ok with that. I hope people are Ok with that.
I left the house and got on the right train at the right time and I made my way to London Bridge three minutes early before my meeting - this is a big accomplishment, for the first time in three weeks I didn't walk the wrong way, I didn't get on the wrong train and I wasn't late. This is big, at least to me it is. I almost felt like a part of this city and I'm so thankful for that.
I met a girl who reached out to me via Instagram, sometimes I still find it weird that people take the time to write sweet emails, and reach out to me - It's both strange and fantastic almost unexpected. She contacted me because she enjoys my photography and as a fellow Canadian herself she was intrigued by my move to London, we agreed to meet and chat over a massive wrap at Borough Market.
I can't tell you exactly what the point of the meeting was, I knew there was one but I can't remember now, the thing is that we chatted about being genuine on the internet and in life in general, we talked about being transparent and enjoying true honest moments. Quality over quantity. We talked about success and about failures and about what we both expected or hoped about coming to London.
I won't share her thoughts but I will share mine - because I can.
I didn't move to London to become a more successful photographer, or to be a more successful Corina. I moved to London to find who Corina is, and maybe then become more successful at being human.
I know that all seems weird and I'm not trying to be poetic or sound intelligent and deep, but the thing is I felt lost, and I felt stuck in Vancouver. I wasn't growing career wise, personal wise and in my faith and that basically just sucks.
There were more moments were I felt sad, and anxious about what I was doing than I felt joy and though I know life isn't meant to be happy all the time I am simply not interested in a life where I feel like I'm just surviving.
If you were to ask me what I want to be or what I want out of life I think my answer would be that I want to be joyful - I want to live a life that has trials but that even in the mist of those I can find joy and be fully and genuinely thankful for every single moment I experience, even when it gets tough.
Now I'm not saying that moving to London will bring me joy, but I believe leaving my comfort zone, leaving my bubble and my known things will provide a bigger perspective and a bigger sense of what life means to me. London is just a place.
I needed to grow. I needed to feel challenged and feel vulnerable. I needed to hear God's voice in my life. I needed to be guided by Him and I needed to seek Him more than I seek other things, I want to be honest and say I've felt God more these past weeks than I have in two years. This is what I need.
I'm not sure if who I met today, got what she wanted out of our meeting but I can safely say that I got so much out of speaking from my heart, and opening up to a complete stranger who probably only wanted to grab coffee. ( Thanks O )
On my way home from our meeting I stopped by a park close to home, there is a crazy wind storm happening so I literally got hit by the wind several times and the most beautiful thing happened right there and then, I stopped because I felt so alive and so full of peace. I think that's how joy works it almost hits you in the face, like a ray of light.
-C
I got woken up by the beautiful sounds of trees hitting my window, a little bit of sunshine on my face and the loudest sounds brought by the wind, it was heavenly.
I didn't work today so it was a slow morning for me, I enjoyed some grapefruit and lemon water and made little botanical drawings - I'm not sure what it is but I've been fully enjoying these moments of solitude. It's almost like living in this busy, noisy city has brought the quietest in me.
I'm Ok with that. I hope people are Ok with that.
I left the house and got on the right train at the right time and I made my way to London Bridge three minutes early before my meeting - this is a big accomplishment, for the first time in three weeks I didn't walk the wrong way, I didn't get on the wrong train and I wasn't late. This is big, at least to me it is. I almost felt like a part of this city and I'm so thankful for that.
I met a girl who reached out to me via Instagram, sometimes I still find it weird that people take the time to write sweet emails, and reach out to me - It's both strange and fantastic almost unexpected. She contacted me because she enjoys my photography and as a fellow Canadian herself she was intrigued by my move to London, we agreed to meet and chat over a massive wrap at Borough Market.
I can't tell you exactly what the point of the meeting was, I knew there was one but I can't remember now, the thing is that we chatted about being genuine on the internet and in life in general, we talked about being transparent and enjoying true honest moments. Quality over quantity. We talked about success and about failures and about what we both expected or hoped about coming to London.
I won't share her thoughts but I will share mine - because I can.
I didn't move to London to become a more successful photographer, or to be a more successful Corina. I moved to London to find who Corina is, and maybe then become more successful at being human.
I know that all seems weird and I'm not trying to be poetic or sound intelligent and deep, but the thing is I felt lost, and I felt stuck in Vancouver. I wasn't growing career wise, personal wise and in my faith and that basically just sucks.
There were more moments were I felt sad, and anxious about what I was doing than I felt joy and though I know life isn't meant to be happy all the time I am simply not interested in a life where I feel like I'm just surviving.
If you were to ask me what I want to be or what I want out of life I think my answer would be that I want to be joyful - I want to live a life that has trials but that even in the mist of those I can find joy and be fully and genuinely thankful for every single moment I experience, even when it gets tough.
Now I'm not saying that moving to London will bring me joy, but I believe leaving my comfort zone, leaving my bubble and my known things will provide a bigger perspective and a bigger sense of what life means to me. London is just a place.
I needed to grow. I needed to feel challenged and feel vulnerable. I needed to hear God's voice in my life. I needed to be guided by Him and I needed to seek Him more than I seek other things, I want to be honest and say I've felt God more these past weeks than I have in two years. This is what I need.
I'm not sure if who I met today, got what she wanted out of our meeting but I can safely say that I got so much out of speaking from my heart, and opening up to a complete stranger who probably only wanted to grab coffee. ( Thanks O )
On my way home from our meeting I stopped by a park close to home, there is a crazy wind storm happening so I literally got hit by the wind several times and the most beautiful thing happened right there and then, I stopped because I felt so alive and so full of peace. I think that's how joy works it almost hits you in the face, like a ray of light.
Joy I pray you stay.
-C
Monday, May 4, 2015
Little updates
I can't believe it's may, where has the time gone and how is it that I got so busy and failed to update this little corner of the internet. ( I know all three of you who read this were pausing life until now, sorry)
Im not sure where to start, and the thing is I know I'll fail to update this blog time and time again. I've never been good at keeping up with blogs and diaries. I wish I was.
London has kicked my butt in the best way (is that even a thing? If not I'm making it one)
Here is why:
I have never walked so much in my entire life, I recently splurged and got myself foot cream that smells heavenly because I need it. I'm actually a grandma.
Most of the time I end up walking more than I should because I have no idea where I am, it's not exactly that I've gotten super lost, but is just that streets here are so weird and what I think will lead me somewhere ends up leading me somewhere completely different.
Not having data for almost a month proved to be the most rewarding yet most frustrating thing, I hate to realize how dependent I am of such a silly thing, but it really makes a difference when I'm confused about directions. Though not having data was hard at times, it allowed me to sit and watch everything during my commute. I loved the quiet times it brought to my life, and just the extra time I had to observe, to sit quietly and to admire everything, and take it all in. I'm going to try my best to remember those moments and put down my phone.
A little side note: CITY MAPPER - I love you forever
All in all, London has brought so much happiness into my life, it has taught me so much in so little time and I can't wait to see what these next two years will look like.
I am currently sitting in the living room of the place I get to call home. It absolutely blows my mind that I have a job, and a roof over my head three weeks into this adventure. I am in awe of how the whole thing has unfold because I seriously did very little to deserve it.
My roommates are like out of a movie, seriously I live with two of the sweetest girls I've ever met, they are both so inspiring, and I know their friendship will bring so much into my life. It already has.
If there is one thing you should take away from this whole entry( other than I suck at navigation) is that God is amazing, He has answered every single one of my prayers about this move, and has seen me through all of my moments of doubt and fear.
I am being moved, and I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.
-C
Im not sure where to start, and the thing is I know I'll fail to update this blog time and time again. I've never been good at keeping up with blogs and diaries. I wish I was.
London has kicked my butt in the best way (is that even a thing? If not I'm making it one)
Here is why:
I have never walked so much in my entire life, I recently splurged and got myself foot cream that smells heavenly because I need it. I'm actually a grandma.
Most of the time I end up walking more than I should because I have no idea where I am, it's not exactly that I've gotten super lost, but is just that streets here are so weird and what I think will lead me somewhere ends up leading me somewhere completely different.
Not having data for almost a month proved to be the most rewarding yet most frustrating thing, I hate to realize how dependent I am of such a silly thing, but it really makes a difference when I'm confused about directions. Though not having data was hard at times, it allowed me to sit and watch everything during my commute. I loved the quiet times it brought to my life, and just the extra time I had to observe, to sit quietly and to admire everything, and take it all in. I'm going to try my best to remember those moments and put down my phone.
A little side note: CITY MAPPER - I love you forever
All in all, London has brought so much happiness into my life, it has taught me so much in so little time and I can't wait to see what these next two years will look like.
I am currently sitting in the living room of the place I get to call home. It absolutely blows my mind that I have a job, and a roof over my head three weeks into this adventure. I am in awe of how the whole thing has unfold because I seriously did very little to deserve it.
My roommates are like out of a movie, seriously I live with two of the sweetest girls I've ever met, they are both so inspiring, and I know their friendship will bring so much into my life. It already has.
If there is one thing you should take away from this whole entry( other than I suck at navigation) is that God is amazing, He has answered every single one of my prayers about this move, and has seen me through all of my moments of doubt and fear.
I am being moved, and I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.
-C
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Life Lately
It's crazy to think it's only been twelve days since I left home and embarked on this new adventure.
Every single day has been jammed packed with activities and places to see. My eyes are constantly amazed by the beauty of this country and when I think Ive seen enough I turn a corner and there is something even more brilliant.
I have to be honest and say it still hasn't hit yet (you know me moving) I keep waking up with this feeling that I will be home soon. - I guess I'm on vacation mode, and It is not until I have a quiet moment to I remind myself that this place I'm standing on, this place that I'm getting to know is home now. Honestly it absolutely scares the crap out of me, and makes me excited at the same time. "What am I doings" and "You're totally nuts" run through my head, sometimes I want to just called it off and go back to my comfort zone, to my known safe places, but that is exactly why I'm here and what I'm running away from.
There is just so much uncertainty, so many unknowns; and now it isn't that I've always been eager to know every single detail of my life but not knowing anything is almost terrifying.
I can't say that I've lived sheltered or away from hardship all my life, If anything I've lived a life full of changes however I have always had a big support group and I have been blessed with a beautiful family that supports my crazy ideas and God! do I miss them every single day. I miss their hugs, gosh I miss hugging in general. Do people hug in London? Aren't we suppose to have 12 hugs a day? (these are the thoughts that run through my head when I walk down the street, because IT IS IMPORTANT! I need to know)
I have been battling a cold for the last few days, and my energy has gotten super low, but I feel so dumb complaining, I feel out of place and ungrateful because I have been given this amazing opportunity and the chance to see and to step on beautiful places. How can I complain when God has been so good to me this entire process, and when He has completely blown me away with His love for me. I'm holding on so tightly to this passage:
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I'm going on for too long, but I felt like I needed to be real and honest for a second because life isn't a curated feed on Instagram and though I am experiencing the happiest of moments (I know that's hard to believe after such uplifting read!) I am also full of doubt but it is all good, I knew moments like these would come, after all I did say in my new year "resolutions" that I wanted to be weaker only to be stronger.
I want to be able to read these entries, and know that there is more than this.
-C
Every single day has been jammed packed with activities and places to see. My eyes are constantly amazed by the beauty of this country and when I think Ive seen enough I turn a corner and there is something even more brilliant.
I have to be honest and say it still hasn't hit yet (you know me moving) I keep waking up with this feeling that I will be home soon. - I guess I'm on vacation mode, and It is not until I have a quiet moment to I remind myself that this place I'm standing on, this place that I'm getting to know is home now. Honestly it absolutely scares the crap out of me, and makes me excited at the same time. "What am I doings" and "You're totally nuts" run through my head, sometimes I want to just called it off and go back to my comfort zone, to my known safe places, but that is exactly why I'm here and what I'm running away from.
There is just so much uncertainty, so many unknowns; and now it isn't that I've always been eager to know every single detail of my life but not knowing anything is almost terrifying.
I can't say that I've lived sheltered or away from hardship all my life, If anything I've lived a life full of changes however I have always had a big support group and I have been blessed with a beautiful family that supports my crazy ideas and God! do I miss them every single day. I miss their hugs, gosh I miss hugging in general. Do people hug in London? Aren't we suppose to have 12 hugs a day? (these are the thoughts that run through my head when I walk down the street, because IT IS IMPORTANT! I need to know)
I have been battling a cold for the last few days, and my energy has gotten super low, but I feel so dumb complaining, I feel out of place and ungrateful because I have been given this amazing opportunity and the chance to see and to step on beautiful places. How can I complain when God has been so good to me this entire process, and when He has completely blown me away with His love for me. I'm holding on so tightly to this passage:
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11
I'm going on for too long, but I felt like I needed to be real and honest for a second because life isn't a curated feed on Instagram and though I am experiencing the happiest of moments (I know that's hard to believe after such uplifting read!) I am also full of doubt but it is all good, I knew moments like these would come, after all I did say in my new year "resolutions" that I wanted to be weaker only to be stronger.
I want to be able to read these entries, and know that there is more than this.
-C
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Up a hill, through an alley...
you find this beautiful, magical pub called The Holly Bush.
After a long walk through Hampstead Heath Park and the Highgate Cementary (which is a whole other post on its on) we were tired and hoping for a good place to sit and drink a beer. I had been recommended this place and we thought it'd be a good idea to check it out since we were in the area. It completely surpassed our expectations, I'm pretty sure we both (my friend Amber and I) were in awe of how magical it was. (maybe we were just too hungry, but I don't think so).
I'm always so thankful for recommendations.
After a long walk through Hampstead Heath Park and the Highgate Cementary (which is a whole other post on its on) we were tired and hoping for a good place to sit and drink a beer. I had been recommended this place and we thought it'd be a good idea to check it out since we were in the area. It completely surpassed our expectations, I'm pretty sure we both (my friend Amber and I) were in awe of how magical it was. (maybe we were just too hungry, but I don't think so).
I'm always so thankful for recommendations.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Hello London
People say dreams don't come true, I believe whole heartedly this is a lie...
I have dreamed of seeing these places my whole life. Movie after movie - song after song, and suddenly here I am speechless, in awe of the places that have been the topic of conversations all throughout my life. Walking down the streets repeating to myself "Don't take this for granted, don't take this for granted" - I am here staring at my dreams in the face.
I know life isn't perfect, but moments can be, and my heart! I am being granted the most perfect moments.
-C
I have dreamed of seeing these places my whole life. Movie after movie - song after song, and suddenly here I am speechless, in awe of the places that have been the topic of conversations all throughout my life. Walking down the streets repeating to myself "Don't take this for granted, don't take this for granted" - I am here staring at my dreams in the face.
I know life isn't perfect, but moments can be, and my heart! I am being granted the most perfect moments.
-C
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