It's been 4 months since I moved to London, some days it feels like just yesterday that I was packing and some days I feel scared at the thought of my time here coming to an end. That last one bothers me to my core, the thinking of the future, the not enjoying today, and now, this moment, and jumping ahead into my days. It's annoying and ridiculous.
I wanted to write down a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately about my move and about the things I've learned, and the things I'm grateful for.
Here I am being vulnerable on the internet again...
To start I want to say without sounding like a ball of cheese that the decision to move, to step out of my comfort zone has been the best decision I could've ever taken. To be honest it still blows my mind to say I live here, in London.
It's such a crazy thing to me, that despite my fears, and worries I had the guts (mostly I had/have the faith) to pack my things and move to a place full of unknowns, basically the only thing I knew was that I didn't know anything. ( I feel like that's something teachers say before a exam to warn you about asking questions about the exam, but it's true) looking back I feel like if I had known what I know now I probably would have second guess my move. I have felt scared at times, but not once have I ever regretted this, in fact I know (with every single one of my bones) that this place where I am standing is where I need to be today, and that thought is something that makes me completely full of joy.
I am where I need to be, I haven't been able to say that about every moment of my life, and today right now I feel so thankful to be here.
When people tell you moving away teaches you so much about who you are, and it makes you grow they aren't joking around. I can certainly say that I have grown more in these 4 months than I had in a while, I have gotten to know myself a little better, my limits, my weaknesses, and my strengths, and I know this is just the beginning.
This move has also brought a lot of growing pains, I have had days full of tears, and aches that have made me feel emotions I hadn't in a long time, I won't get very detailed because as vulnerable, and genuine I want to be some things are for me to keep, and for me to experience on my own. However I will say that the experiences I've gone through since being here on my own have brought me closer to my Saviour, and have made me rest on His beautiful promises.
I've never felt so at peace while being alone, because the truth is I have never felt more full of love, and watched over than these moments, even the painful ones. God has provided so much for me during this season.
I know writing/reading about faith is hard for a lot of people, is hard for me sometimes because "what if people think I'm not cool" however it's important for me to share this, so I ask that you read this without judging me or labeling me. I serve a beautiful God, and I am completely in awe with everything Jesus has done for me, He has answered so many of my prayers about this move, and has placed amazing people in my life. Everything I have is because of Him so the least I can do is tell you that His promises, His light these are the truest most beautiful forms of love I know.
It's hard for me to put into words how thankful I am for this opportunity, and for this season I am in but I hope it comes through on this post.
There are so many unknowns still, unknowns about my days here, and about my days in general. There are still so many prayers in my mind, but despite of it all I am writing this with a peace on my heart that overcomes everything else. I think this is grace.
-C